Infidelity is one of the common problems for people seeking professional help. It is an extremely painful event for a partner to experience and a major occasion for divorce. For couples who don’t divorce, infidelity is a major cause for long-lasting pain, disappointment and mistrust.
The damage of infidelity to marriage or relationship can be terminal because trust is in ruins. Although it may serve as a “wake-up call” to what is not working in a relationship, it frequently places the relationship at a crossroad.
Why People Cheat
Married people have affairs for many reasons. For example, pain of a failed marriage, boredom with a routine and passionless marriage, a desire for adventure, feeling unloved and constantly criticized at home. Knowing what caused the affair is helpful because it sheds light on the needs and wants of the partner who had the affair and the shortcomings of the marriage. It also enables the couple to confront the issues honestly and overcome the inadequacies of the marriage eventually.
Sometimes, people have affairs to force a change in the marriage. For example, people who want to improve the relationship because they are deeply unhappy but do not know how to communicate their distress; or people who want to leave the marriage but feel guilty to initiate.
Couples therapist, clinical psychologist and bestselling author Dr. Sue Johnson speaks about why infidelity is actually a symptom of disconnection, and what most of us get wrong about cheating and lust.
The decision of whether to stay or leave is a big decision in your life. Basically, you have three options:
- Opt to leave: you see this breach of trust and fidelity has injured the relationship fatally and there is no way you can continue with your partner.
- Tolerate the affair: you choose to tolerate the affair and stay in the relationship for whatever reasons.
- Work on the relationship: you insist that your partner must end the affair and seeking professional help together to rebuild trust in the relationship.
For some people, the impulse to leave after the discovery is high for one or both partners, to avoid dealing with the storm of emotions caused by infidelity. Because the final decision about your marriage is so important, it is essential for your own sake, as well as for your spouse and family, that your decision come from real self-understanding, rather than from impulse.
Divorce is a solution but may not be the answer for most marital problems. Because if you don’t know the reasons or meaning behind the infidelity, you may end up with a similar problem in your next marriage or future relationship.
Discover Meaning of Affair
Couples who want to rebuild their relationship after an affair must discover meaning of the affair, or it will remain a profoundly threatening event. The article Shattered Vows: Getting Beyond Betrayal written by Dr.Shirley Glass, one of the world’s leading experts on infidelity, challenges everything you know about infidelity and help answered many questions couples wanted to know about infidelity and why it’s so deeply wounding and traumatic to the betrayed spouse.
The recovery process will be painful and probably very long. It needs commitment and hard work from both partners to restore trust and intimacy in the relationship. The couple needs to develop honest and open communication in the marriage as a foundation for rebuilding.
Many marriages survive infidelity through hard work and end up stronger than before. However, many couples are unable to handle the painful experience and distress when working through the affair, it is thus advisable to seek professional help to assist you in keeping the process fair and balanced.
A video clip on “Can you repair a relationship after an affair? “By Dr Sue Johnson
We believe there is no one single approach that can treat a person in all situations because each person is unique and whole. We thus tailor our counselling approach to each individual’s needs and personal circumstances. Our approach helps our clients learnt more deeply about their personality system, deepen their awareness of their innermost motivation and belief system that drive their habitual thinking, feeling and behavioural patterns.
We are using an integrative approach by combining the most powerful and profound human psychology system such as the Enneagram, a personality system based on our neurobiology and evolution, with the most effective and cutting edge couple counselling technologies such as Emotionally Focused Couple Counselling and Gestalt Couple Therapy, to help our clients understand themselves and their partner better to address the following questions:
What are their habitual patterns and how does that hinder their relationship?
How can they deepen and heal their relationship?
How can they rebuild trust?
What are the key ingredients for healthy intimacy?
What is the role of presence in sustaining loving relationship?
Begin with Individual Session
An individual session in the beginning for each person to identify the issues and establish goals of the subsequent sessions. The need of couple sessions will depend on the outcome of the individual sessions.
Individuals are required to take a free online Enneagram personality test and submit their test result in the “Schedule A Session” Form before coming for the fist session. The objective of the test is to identify the possible personality issues that individuals are facing in relationship difficulties.
Our service fee is a sliding scale based on individual’s monthly income:
- $100 per session for monthly income of $2500 and above
- $50 per session for monthly income below $2500