Shattered Vows: Getting Beyond Betrayal by Dr. Shirley Glass
Dr Shirley Glass, the world’s leading expert in infidelity, challenges everything you know about infidelity and help answered many questions couples wanted to know about infidelity and why it’s so deeply wounding and traumatic to the betrayed spouse.
Healing & Recovery: Infidelity Q&A by Dr Shirley Glass
Dr Shirley Glass answered questions on: Struggling to discuss wife’s past infidelity, What does it mean to stop the affair, Searching for the meaning of his affair
The Path to Infidelity: What Gottman’s Research Tells Us by Dr
Dr. John Gottman describes the progression of infidelity in “The 24-Step Gottman-Rusbult-Glass Cascade Toward Distrust and Betrayal”; the core elements of this cascade are summarized and outlined in the six warning signs. This article covers what research tells us about the most common pathway to actually starting an affair.
Emotional Affair by Peggy Vaughan
The key to determining whether behavior can legitimately be classified as an affair is whether or not there’s SECRECY regarding the outside involvement. Since secrecy is a critical component of a strong emotional relationship with someone other than your partner, it IS (even without involving “sex”) still an affair.
How Infidelity Causes Post Traumatic Stress Disorder by Dr Randi Gunther
When a trusted partner in a committed relationship betrays the sacred trust of the other, the relationship will undergo severe instability. The partner who has been betrayed is emotionally tortured and humiliated when knowledge of the infidelity emerges. They are clearly in trauma and experience the same array of symptoms that professionals now describe as Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. Similar to any others who have suffered threats to their physical or emotional well-being and security, they are disoriented and confused by what has happened.
Spouse Had an Affair? Beware How You Handle Your Anger by Dr Leon F. Seltzer
How you handle your anger will not only determine your own well-being, but also the well-being of your relationship. If you’re unable to own and express your upsetting emotions, it’s far less likely that your partner will offer you the soothing you’re unable to provide for yourself, which is essential to your healing.
If the two of you actively defend against these negative feelings through cyclical blaming game, the damage to your relationship can be irreversible and lead to longstanding bitterness—if not outright divorce.
Surviving Betrayal by Dr. Joshua Coleman
Romantic betrayal is traumatizing. This is because our relationships are built upon the fragile agreement that those about whom we care most deeply will behave, in large part, as they have always behaved. A betrayal can shatter that trust and open the door to the possibility that things in one’s small, intimate world may not be as they appear. But couples can learn to trust again by working on repairing trust after a betrayal.
How to Survive Infidelity by Dr Willard F. Harley
A collection of articles written by Dr Harley on infidelity. It is compiled through a series of Q&A on topics related to infidelity such as how to cope with infidelity, rules for recovery after affair, how to avoid affair, what to do with cheated partner, lover’s perspective on infidelity, forgiveness, etc.
Infidelity & Forgiveness by Barton Goldsmith
Forgiveness is not about letting the betrayer off the hook; it is about letting the betrayed off the hook. Through forgiveness our hearts no longer have to endure the torture that comes from holding on to the violation. Forgiveness, if it has been properly earned, can be a healthy response to infidelity. It can also be seen as a reward to the injured party for having lived through a transgression of their trust.
After The Storm by Esther Perel
Esther Perel identify three 3 basic patterns for couples who remained together after the affair: Stuck in the Past, The Survivors, The Explorers.
Stuck in the Past: These couples never get past the affair. The affair is a black hole trapping both partners in an endless round of bitterness, revenge and self-pity.
The Survivors: These couples pull themselves up and let the affair go. They honour values of life long commitment and continuity, family loyalty and stability. They can move past the infidelity but they don’t necessarily transcend it.
The Explorers: These couples leave the affair far behind. The affair becomes a transformation experience and catalyst for renewal and change. This outcome illustrates that therapy has the potential to help couples reinvent their relationship by mining the resilience and resourcefulness each partner bring to the relationship.
Transitioning Through Divorce: Five Steps to a ‘Good’ Divorce, by Mary K. Lawler
Divorce can bring major life changes that cause stress, crisis, and anxiety. You may find that your usual coping methods are no longer helpful. By understanding the stress associated with each stage of divorce, you can be better prepared to deal with the stress,
adapt to changes, and move on to the next step. There is a five-step progression that most individuals experience through the divorce process. One step usually
overlaps the next, involving a change in social roles and tasks. Each step seems to begin with heightened stress. This stress usually decreases toward the end of a step as you prepare to move on to the next step.